Pokemon Go and the Post-Apocalyptic Future is Nigh

google-search-pokemon-go

Some have lauded Pokémon Go as the next great health and fitness enabler since the “invention” of running. After all, over the span of just a few days it has forced half of Western civilization to unplug from Netflix, get off the couch and move around, and to do so outside!

The cynic in me perceives deeper, darker motives at play: a plot by North Korea to distract the West while it prepares a preemptive nuclear strike; a corporate sponsored youth brain-washing program; an exquisitely orchestrated, self-perpetuated genocidal time-bomb wrought by shady political operatives; a Google inspired initiative to tackle the obesity epidemic.

While the true nature of this elegantly devious phenomenon unfolds over the long-term — and maintains the collective attention of tens of millions of teens and millennials in the process — I will make a dozen bold, short-term predictions:

  1. A legendary Pokémon, such as Mewtwo, will show up at the Republican National Convention in Cleveland, and it will be promptly shot by open carry fanatics.
  2. The first Pokémon Go fatality will occur by July 31, 2016 — a player will inadvertently step into traffic while trying to throw a Poké Ball.
  3. The hundredth Pokémon Go fatality will occur on August 1, 2016 — the 49th player to fall into a sewer and drown.
  4. Sales of comfortable running shoes will skyrocket over the next 3 days, as the West discovers walking.
  5. Evangelical mega-churches in the US will hack the game to ensure Pokémon characters appear during revivals to draw more potential customers.
  6. Pokémon characters will begin showing up on Fox News and the Supreme Court.
  7. Tinder will file for chapter 11 bankruptcy and emerge as a Pokémon dating site.
  8. Gyms and stadia around the country will ditch all sporting events to make way for mass Pokémon hunts; NFL’s next expansion team will be virtual and led by Pikachu as quarterback.
  9. The Pokémon Company, Nintendo and Niantic Labs will join forces to purchase Japan by year’s end.
  10. Google and Tesla will team up to deliver Poké Spot in-car navigation allowing players to automatically drive to Pokémon locations.
  11. Donald Trump will assume office of PokémonPresident of the United States on January 20, 2017; 18-35-year-olds forgot to vote.
  12. World ends, January 21, 2017.

Pokemon-Go WSJ screenshot 13Jul2016If you’re one of the few earthlings wondering what Pokémon Go is all about, and how in the space of just a few days our neighborhoods have become overrun by zombie-like players, look no further than the WSJ. Rupert Murdoch must be a fan.

Image courtesy of Google Search.

 

61 thoughts on “Pokemon Go and the Post-Apocalyptic Future is Nigh”

  1. I just like the helpful info you provide for your articles.
    I’ll bookmark your blog and check again here frequently.
    I’m somewhat certain I’ll learn lots of new stuff right right here!
    Best of luck for the following!

  2. Great goods from you, man. I have understand your stuff
    previous to and you’re simply too great. I actually
    like what you’ve received here, certainly like what you’re saying
    and the way wherein you say it. You are making it enjoyable and you continue to care
    for to keep it sensible. I can not wait to learn far more from you.
    This is actually a tremendous web site.

  3. Hey very nice website!! Guy .. Beautiful .. Superb .. I will bookmark your
    website and take the feeds additionally? I’m satisfied
    to seek out a lot of useful information here in the submit, we need develop extra strategies on this regard, thanks for sharing.
    . . . . .

  4. Hey there! Someone in my Myspace group shared this site with us
    so I came to give it a look. I’m definitely enjoying the
    information. I’m book-marking and will be tweeting this to my followers!
    Superb blog and excellent style and design.

  5. Thanks for every other informative site. Where else may just I am getting that kind
    of info written in such an ideal manner?
    I’ve a venture that I’m simply now operating on, and I’ve been on the glance out
    for such info.

  6. Hi there! I know this is kinda off topic but I was wondering
    which blog platform are you using for this website?
    I’m getting sick and tired of WordPress because I’ve had issues
    with hackers and I’m looking at options for another platform.
    I would be awesome if you could point me in the direction of a good platform.

  7. That is really fascinating, You are an overly professional
    blogger. I have joined your rss feed and look ahead to seeking extra of your wonderful
    post. Additionally, I have shared your website in my social
    networks

  8. Just wish to say your article is as surprising. The clearness in your post is simply great and i can assume you’re an expert
    on this subject. Well with your permission allow me to grab your feed to keep
    up to date with forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please carry
    on the gratifying work.

  9. I’ve been exploring for a little for any high quality articles or weblog posts
    on this sort of space . Exploring in Yahoo I
    ultimately stumbled upon this website. Studying this info So i am satisfied to express that I have a very just right uncanny feeling
    I discovered just what I needed. I most no doubt will make certain to do not
    fail to remember this web site and give it a look on a relentless basis.

  10. Hi it’s me, I am also visiting this web site on a regular basis,
    this site is in fact pleasant and the users are genuinely sharing
    pleasant thoughts.

  11. I think that everything typed was actually very logical.
    But, think about this, what if you were to create a awesome title?
    I ain’t saying your content is not good, but what if you added a title that grabbed a person’s attention? I mean Pokemon Go
    and the Post-Apocalyptic Future is Nigh | theDiagonal is a little plain. You could glance at
    Yahoo’s home page and see how they create post titles to get viewers interested.
    You might try adding a video or a related picture or
    two to grab readers interested about everything’ve got to say.
    Just my opinion, it would bring your blog a little livelier.

  12. Good day! I know this is kinda off topic but I was wondering which blog platform are you using for this site?
    I’m getting sick and tired of WordPress because I’ve had problems with hackers and I’m looking at options for another platform.

    I would be fantastic if you could point me in the direction of a good
    platform.

  13. I’m not sure why but this weblog is loading very slow for me.
    Is anyone else having this issue or is it a problem on my end?
    I’ll check back later and see if the problem still exists.

  14. I’m now not positive where you’re getting your information, but
    good topic. I must spend some time learning more or working
    out more. Thanks for magnificent info I was in search of this info for my mission.

  15. I’ve been browsing online more than 4 hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours.
    It’s pretty worth enough for me. In my opinion, if all site owners and bloggers made
    good content as you did, the internet will be much more useful than ever before.

  16. This design is incredible! You obviously know how to keep
    a reader amused. Between your wit and your videos, I was almost
    moved to start my own blog (well, almost…HaHa!) Excellent job.

    I really loved what you had to say, and more than that, how you presented it.
    Too cool!

  17. Hello, i read your blog from time to time and i own a similar one and i was
    just wondering if you get a lot of spam remarks? If so how do you reduce it, any
    plugin or anything you can recommend? I get so much lately it’s driving me crazy so any
    help is very much appreciated.

  18. Heya i’m for the first time here. I found this board and I find
    It truly useful & it helped me out much. I hope to give
    something back and help others like you helped me.

  19. Today, I went to the beach front with my children. I found a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She
    placed the shell to her ear and screamed. There was a hermit crab inside and
    it pinched her ear. She never wants to go back!
    LoL I know this is entirely off topic but I had to
    tell someone!

  20. Howdy! Do you know if they make any plugins to help with Search Engine Optimization? I’m trying to get
    my blog to rank for some targeted keywords but I’m not seeing very
    good success. If you know of any please share. Cheers!

  21. Hello I am so happy I found your web site, I really found you by mistake, while I was researching on Bing for something else, Regardless I am here now and would just like to say cheers for a marvelous post and a all
    round enjoyable blog (I also love the theme/design), I don’t have time
    to read it all at the moment but I have book-marked it and also included your RSS feeds,
    so when I have time I will be back to read a great deal more, Please
    do keep up the great work.

  22. Hello my friend! I want to say that this post is
    awesome, nice written and come with almost all important infos.
    I would like to look more posts like this .

  23. I have been browsing on-line greater than 3 hours today,
    but I by no means discovered any interesting article like yours.
    It’s lovely price enough for me. In my view, if
    all webmasters and bloggers made good content as you did, the net can be a lot more useful than ever before.

  24. Hey would you mind stating which blog platform you’re using?
    I’m going to start my own blog soon but I’m having a difficult time making a decision between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal.
    The reason I ask is because your design seems different then most blogs and I’m looking for something unique.
    P.S Sorry for getting off-topic but I had to ask!

  25. I am extremely impressed with your writing skills
    and also with the layout on your blog. Is this a paid theme
    or did you customize it yourself? Anyway keep up the nice quality writing, it is rare to see a nice
    blog like this one today.

  26. Just desire to say your article is as astonishing.

    The clearness for your put up is just cool and that i can think
    you’re an expert in this subject. Well with your permission let
    me to take hold of your feed to stay updated with forthcoming post.

    Thanks a million and please carry on the rewarding work.

  27. Do you feel the pain of acid reflux? Do you feel a fire inside your chest? Are you miserable? Are you ready for the issues to stop? Continue reading to find out how. Keep reading to learn to control acid reflux for good and to end the misery for good.

    You may need to balance out hydrochloric acid amounts in your body if you want to reduce acid reflux and its symptoms. You can do this, for instance, by using sea salt rather than table salt. Sea salt has chloride and minerals that are good for the stomach and prevent acid.

    https://www.viagrasansordonnancefr.com/sildenafil-et-femme/

  28. What’s Happening i’m new to this, I stumbled
    upon this I have discovered It absolutely useful and it has aided me out loads.
    I hope to give a contribution & assist different users like its helped me.
    Great job.

  29. I must thank you for the efforts you have put in penning this site.
    I am hoping to view the same high-grade content from you later
    on as well. In truth, your creative writing abilities has inspired
    me to get my own website now 😉

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.